Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
