I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
