i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
