Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
