Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
