how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
