I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
