I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
