The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
