im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
