Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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