Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
