You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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