He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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