Welp...herpes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
