I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
