i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
