IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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