She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
