After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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