Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
