he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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