she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize