why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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