dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
