"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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