nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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