i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
