he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
