New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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