She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
