I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
