I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
