I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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