Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Semen is not good for contacts.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
