i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
