I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
