So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
