just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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