Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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