In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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