Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
