and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
