hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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