i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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