thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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