Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
