I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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