he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
