Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
