My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
