dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
