I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
