I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
