Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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