My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
