Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just google imaged poop.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
