Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
