I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
