Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
