I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
