I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
