So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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