The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
