I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
