The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
