he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
