We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
