i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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