Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
