My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
