Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
