sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
