playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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