Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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