i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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