OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
