I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
