my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
People with herpes should wear stickers.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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