I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
