I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
