hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
