I hate all girls vehemently.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
