Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
