i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
