I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
