So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
