Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize