you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
